18th July 2010, 8:28 PM

Had a messy day..:-(

After half day's work, I was eagerly waiting to watch a sci-fi thriller after long time. Sadly was trapped between my own inner conflicts and the result was – when I went there, it was a houseful board and a lanky fellow who greeted me.  Anyhow, getting late everywhere was not my usual excuse this time, it was more of the duality in me that I have started to dislike. It is strange that you aim for something and move towards it and by the time you reach half the way; you come across something new and begin to adore the new happening and forego your plan.

I feel like writing something from the past….well here it goes

When I was in my 5^th grade, I had this terrible pain in my ear. On the first day I was accompanied by mom to the doctor( though I never liked going to places with my parents, as they always found me misbehaving and had to spank me mid-way). The next day I was to go alone, was not really happy about it(contradicting my own want to soothe the ear pain), I rode my bicycle to the doctors place which was nearby, half the way I met my friend, who appeared to be very cheerful and enthusiastic. He had a rectangular box wrapped in a fancy paper with pink and white flowers on it. He exclaimed that it was like a dream come true moment for him. On being asked what it was, he replied, “this is something your father will never let you even have a look at, owing to your school record”, well that comment made me frown. Nevertheless, frowning was swiped away from my face instantly, with the overwhelming curiosity. I grew impatient and went with him to his house, in his room we sat and stared at the box, after a while his mother came in and asked us to open the package. It was a rush of excitement. The moment he opened the box, I was the one to shout in awe….it was a marvel gadget, which I always dreamt of (I later got bogged with it, as I got it when I was in 7^th). It was the 8 bit Contra game set, my friend was not as excited as I was, and I played for half an hour (moment of ecstasy for a 10 yr old). Suddenly I realized that I had to go to the doctor, I stood up and stuffed all the snacks in my pockets and rushed to my cycle. Happily and merrily, yet in fright of the scolding from my dad, I rode in the crowded street like a super-hero. Again, on my way I saw a wedding procession - processions with music and dancers always fascinated me. I could stand and stare the walking talking stage for hours together, while I was enjoying the thumping beats, Sunderan uncle (my neighbor), saw me, he was a fat stout fellow, he moved with great force towards me, amidst the noise I could see him marching towards me, but I was lost in the thunder beats. He came to me tweaked my ears saying, “why do I always find you roaming, I need to talk to Mr. Jose”, I was dead scared. He asked me to go home immediately, in sheer fright I ran towards home, but later I realized it was already 8, and mom must be worried. I was determined to see the doctor at any cost or else the long dirty stick(chooral) will ease my back.  I rode in a haste to the hospital, I was already late and the doctor went home; there was a lady (I still don’t recall if she was a doctor or a compounder). I told her everything; my ear and what took me so long, she asked me to relax, she went inside-a small cabin behind the doctor’s table- and came out with a small packet of small white cute little tablets. I asked her if she was sure about the medicine, she told me that doctor had directed her to do so.  I went home with the tablets, got scolding for being late. I made an innocent face by saying that the hospital was crowded (I was good at fabricating long stories even then (born liar)). After I had my dinner, I gulped the medicine and slept peacefully. After few hours, I sensed a growling inside my stomach, felt like someone was crunching my stomach, I rushed to my mom, woke her up…My whole night was spent in the toilet.

It was in the morning when my mom visited the doctor that I realized that the lady gave me medicine to cure constipation, which was reserved for some other hyper-curious kid.

12th July 2010, 9:26 PM

 What’s the real change?

A change is a sign of growth in any form, and yes if I ask myself whether I have experienced this change in me?..well i have my own answer to this question. While re-introspecting, I realized I have outgrown myself with time. It’s a feeling similar to winning a battle. After all these years of self study, now it’s time to look back, how much I have improved, how my deeds have contributed in my individual growth. Life was so simple then, so is it now, our outlook is what makes life appear complicated. The first thing I recently realized, was that I have grown to size M i.e. I have put on weight. This is a symbiotic process, as the more merrier you are, the more healthy life you lead. Over the past years, I have undergone the worst setbacks in my life, one of them being my Dad’s sudden death. It can be called the most painful as well as the most crucial point In my life. His demise was my first rendezvous with death; it gave me a whole new perspective on life, the significance of man and his goodwill in the society. My father was a role model to me, the way he dealt with people, he was a real humanitarian. When he was alive I never really got inspired by his social activities and how important he was to his community and society.  The value of a man can be judged by the number of people who visit his funeral- this is what got my attention. After his death, I spent days and night thinking about him, and what I learned from him. The answer is he was a self-motivated human being, whose adaptability was in compliance with the changing times and generations. Talking about the change, I have realized that the more new faces I meet, the more I get to learn. There was a time when I had a flow of thoughts and words to put them together, but now I am running out of words, all this is a part of the change. There has been not a single moment in our lives, where we have not experienced a change. Change is indeed a good sign. Well, it can be a lot more significant if it is for the welfare. Change is inevitable, so its utterly pointless to complain and criticize it. However, as long as we breathe, we will experience this phenomenon.

I am none to comment on the cyclic system of change, as there have been several experts who have spoken or concluded about the forms and causes of change. As a layman, I am putting this here, just to share what I feel about this unavoidable factor “The Change”.

6th July 2010

Innuendo

There has been nothing that I could change about you…

I love you to the extent of sheer hatred

Why would I change you?

No one should change anyone; all is well and is in right place

The only thing that needs to be changed is the view,

I hate having the thought of changing and molding you

Isn’t that mean?

Love and lust is selfish.......

2 July 2010

Hello, all

I have been lost for a couple of years, here I am back. There have been lots of twists and turns in my life. I have seen faces, pretty ones, the nasty, the modest ones and the envious ones. I am learning a lot more things in life now. I am extremely happy, the way my career is shaping up. I would love to mention those who have been a motivation; sadly the number of names is bigger than the space here.